Merging and Re-Emerging
“Facing life’s circumstances requires
not just grit but also grace. Grace for myself.”
Isn’t it funny how we may tout one thing and live another? To the world, I am a busy mom, author, and educator. I am creative, self-publish books and even offer resources to help other families move through the ups and downs of life. So, I must feel accomplished. I ought to feel successful. I should feel fulfilled. But I don’t. Not always. The worst part of not celebrating those achievements is that I have tried to keep up with this ever-confident, happy, well-rounded persona for a long time. It is exhausting and excruciating. It’s because this public persona (which I admit that I created) centers heavily around the values of compassion, honesty, and authenticity (which I also embedded as values of my organization), yet I leave no room for my own mistakes, imperfections, or failures (which I may or may not have consciously or un-consciously strategically left out). In a sense, I have created my own viscous cycle.
I encourage others to embrace the process and to be present with their emotions. I talk about taking the time to exist and to be. I speak about the importance of balance and kindness toward ourselves. Yet, I am so afraid to show those vulnerable parts of me for fear of rejection or appearing to not have it together. Ironic, right?
I believe in what I do and what I offer… to work for others. But do I have the courage to hold safe space for myself and believe in its power to heal, refresh, and refocus?
In discovering (or really, upheaving) this realization, I am starting this blog (yes, on the organization website) to personally (not just professionally) embrace what I offer as resources and tools. Facing life’s circumstances requires not just grit but also grace. Grace for myself.
Some things I am still working through. Some things I have yet to work through. And some things I have already worked through but may come back. And new things will come. On this blog, I’ll be frank. I’ll be honest. And I’ll be vulnerable (as scary as that sounds as I put that in writing). In doing so, I will aim to also be encouraging. I will also be compassionate. I will also be insightful. In case I am not reaching what I am aiming for, at the very least, I am sharing. And that, my friends, is a big step.
Through it all, I hope to merge my public and private personas a little bit more and re-emerge as a whole person. A person who is flawed yet tries. A person who is tired yet excited. A person who achieves yet fails. A person who is doing her best to do the things on her plate while still reaching for her dreams and ambitions to help others in creative, authentic ways. So… here we go.